The Hardest Truth
by Holz9364
Summary: SPOILERS FOR 'His Last Vow'. An alternate scene with John, Mary and Sherlock in Baker Street where Mary tells Sherlock she can read him as well as he can read others and that she knows how he feels about John. Johnlock & John/Mary. Oneshot for the moment.
1. Chapter 1

**The Hardest Truth**

_**A/N: This is AU. It's another version of what happens when Sherlock, John & Mary get back to Baker Street in 'His Last Vow'. I got the idea in my head and just had to jot it down so I'm sorry for the shortness. I hope it's okay, it's my first attempt at Sherlock fanfiction!**_

John was in the bathroom. He had been for the last 10 minutes. This left Sherlock and Mary in the awkward position of being alone in the living room of 221 Baker Street. They were sitting opposite each other, both just staring at the other without uttering a word.

'Now that you know who I am,' Mary said eventually, 'what I was…I can finally do that read on you I've been dying to do since we met.'

Sherlock raised his eyebrow ever so slightly, 'You think you can play my own games against me?'

Mary leaned forward in her chair, 'I know I can Sherlock. I can see through the façade, I can tell when you're lying even when John can't.'

Sherlock leaned back slightly, a miniscule smirk coming to his lips, 'Prove it.'

Mary smiled very slightly, 'You pretend you don't care about people, but you do. You've slipped Sherlock, you've started feeling.'

Sherlock didn't say anything, Mary sighed as she leaned back in her chair and surveyed him.

'Interesting,' Sherlock said, 'your reading ability needs work.'

'There's just one thing about you that I don't quite understand,' Mary admitted,

'Hmm, Just one?' Sherlock asked as if he didn't believe this for a moment.

'Why didn't you sleep with Janine?' Mary asked, not breaking eye contact with Sherlock.

'Our relationship wasn't real, it was for a case,' Sherlock said simply.

'So? She's an attractive woman who you had the opportunity to sleep with several times,' Mary observed, 'it could have been that you're a gentleman saving yourself for marriage.'

'I could be,' Sherlock agreed.

'But you aren't, because you are rude and incorrigible in every other way. So why would you be a gentlemen when women are concerned?' Mary asked, 'the answer of course, is you wouldn't.'

'Why is this significant?' Sherlock asked, cocking his head at her.

'You tell me,' Mary said cryptically.

Sherlock frowned ever so slightly as Mary's gaze did not linger from him.

'It isn't just Janine,' Mary continued, 'other women throw themselves at you, why wouldn't they after all. You _are _the great Sherlock Holmes.'

'I am,' Sherlock said, only a touch of smugness making it into his voice.

'Yet you deny their advances too, why?' Mary asked curiously.

'I'm far too busy for that sort of thing,' Sherlock said, 'unlike John I do not have time for a domestic life.'

Mary shook her head, 'No. You hide it well Sherlock, but you deny their advances for the same reason you never slept with Janine.'

'Do I?' Sherlock asked sarcastically.

'Maybe you're gay, maybe you're not, maybe you don't know what you are,' Mary said, 'but you deny the advances of these women because you're in love with someone else.'

'I do not fall in love, Mary,' Sherlock said smoothly, 'I do not form emotional attachments, we have been over this.'

'You say you don't, but that's a lie,' Mary said carefully.

Sherlock remained silent and did not break eye contact with Mary.

'How long have you been in love with my husband for Sherlock?' Mary asked casually.

Sherlock blanched, 'Excuse me?'

'No, don't answer that,' Mary said thoughtfully, 'I think I already know the answer. Ever since you two first met, right?'

Sherlock narrowed his eyes ever so slightly, 'This is your idea of reading me?'

'Do you know what the most miserable part of it is, Sherlock?' Mary asked with a genuine sigh, 'I think he was nearly there. Before you faked your death I think he was beginning to fall in love with you.'

'Don't be absurd Mary,' Sherlock said, 'John and I are nothing but close friends.'

'But you could have been more, you know that and John knows that,' Mary said, 'although neither of you seem to mention it. It's the elephant in the room, and everyone can see it but you.'

Sherlock sighed, about to get to his feet, 'I've had enough of this, it's getting boring.'

'You missed your chance Sherlock, by days or maybe weeks,' Mary said quietly, 'and you will never undo the damage you caused by disappearing for two years.'

'I am fully aware of that Mary,' Sherlock said, 'I do not need you to remind me of it.'

Mary got to her feet, grabbing her handbag as she did so, 'I like you Sherlock, and I truly am sorry that I stand in the way of what you want.'

Sherlock couldn't find words to reply to her comment so he got to his feet and stared out of the window. Mary sighed, 'I'm going home, I expect John will stay the night here. Goodnight Sherlock.'

'Goodnight Mary.'

Sherlock sighed and walked to the window. He watched Mary leave the flat and get into her car, as she drove away he remained unaware of the person in the shadows behind him.

'Sherlock.'

Sherlock spun around, he could tell from the strained way John had said his name that he had heard everything that had just been said.

'John,' Sherlock said nonchalantly.

'What was that?' John asked weakly.

'That was your wife attempting to read me,' Sherlock replied honestly.

'It wasn't true, what she said,' John said, shaking his head, 'it was nonsense.'

Sherlock fixed John with a remorseful stare.

'Sherlock…'

'Yes, what she said was incorrect. Goodness knows where she got that idea,' Sherlock lied, unable to meet John's eye.

'Oh…oh, bloody hell,' John said, gripping the back of his chair for support, 'she was right, you're bloody well in love with me.'

'I don't fall in love with people John,' Sherlock said, still unable to meet his eye.

'So you always say,' John said, his voice breaking slightly.

Sherlock was silent as John paced the room, torn between shouting and curling up on his chair.

'I married Mary,' John said quietly, 'to get away from you, I wanted normal and domestic and…safe.'

'I know,' Sherlock said.

'But she turned out to be _exactly _like you,' John said angrily, 'she is a female version of you.'

'She's a far better person than me,' Sherlock said, turning to face John.

'Why is she like that Sherlock? Why is she like you?' John asked, he looked like he was either going to burst into tears or punch Sherlock in the face.

'Because you chose her, John,' Sherlock said quietly, wincing as he sunk into the chair. He was still in a lot of pain, and in dire need of morphine.

'What is that supposed to mean?' John asked, rage boiling underneath his skin.

'She's like me because you chose her. You are attracted to danger John, to dangerous people like Mary and-'

'You,' John finished, sinking into his chair and letting his head drop into his hands.

'How is it Sherlock that a man can be attracted to one man?' John asked, giving up all hope of hiding anything from Sherlock anymore, 'one man, not all men, just one. How is that possible?'

'The world we live in is far too focused on gender,' Sherlock replied calmly, 'it is possible John to be attracted to a person for who they are, regardless of their gender. Isn't that proven in the similar traits Mary and I share?'

John breathed deeply as he tried to calm himself down, 'Why did you never say anything Sherlock? When you came back, why did you not say anything?'

'John, when I came back you were happy with Mary,' Sherlock said, 'and I had no reason to believe she was anything but a nurse who was a cat lover. You wanted ordinary, I let you have it without complicating anything.'

'Ordinary,' John said, shaking his head, 'nothing in my life has been ordinary since I met you Sherlock.'

'You make that sound like a bad thing,' Sherlock remarked with the trace of a smile.

Despite everything John cracked a smile, 'You're right, I'm an addict. I love the life we live, I love the adrenaline and the danger, but Mary was my escape from that.'

'I know.'

John sighed and closed his eyes, his head was beginning to pound, 'If you had just told me you were alive, none of this would have happened.'

'If I had told you I was alive you would be dead, so would Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade. The only three people I care about,' Sherlock said in a true show of emotion.

'You were the best man at my wedding,' John said, anger still boiling just underneath the surface, 'and you let me get married without telling me…any of what I heard tonight.'

'It was for the best John,' Sherlock said, 'despite her past Mary is safe, I am volatile.'

'Did it ever cross your mind that I like volatile?' John asked, 'did it ever cross your mind that given all the information I would like to make the decision myself?'

'No, that did not cross my mind,' Sherlock said honestly.

John shook his head angrily, 'Of course it didn't because you really do know nothing about human nature.'

Sherlock didn't say anything, John groaned, 'And what do we do now? What am I supposed to do now? Mary is a liar and she's carrying my child and now you...with this.'

'Mary may have lied, but she is a good person,' Sherlock said carefully, 'do you honestly think I would have agreed to be the best man at your wedding if I thought otherwise?'

John sighed heavily like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. He pushed himself to his feet and picked up his coat from the back of the chair, 'I need to go home.'

'Of course,' Sherlock said.

John walked towards the door, pausing when he was standing in the doorway. He sighed and turned around to where Sherlock was watching him expectantly.

'See you tomorrow?' John asked his best friend.

Sherlock smiled very slightly and gave John a nod, 'See you tomorrow,' he said.

_**The End.**_

_**A/N: Okay so I know it's short, but it's my first attempt at Sherlock fanfiction. I found it SO hard to write! I was just so inspired by the new series, I had to start writing Sherlock fanfiction!**_

_**I didn't know where to go with it in the end so I left it on an ambiguous note that could be taken several ways. If anyone has any ideas of how I could continue it I might turn it into a multi-chap story but for the moment it's a oneshot.**_

_**Hope you enjoyed it, thanks for reading!**_

_**Holly**_

_**xxx**_


	2. Chapter 2

**The Hardest Truth**

**_A/N: _Thanks for the idea in your review Amorous Erised !  
**

**I loved it so I rolled with it and wrote another little part to this, not sure I'll write anymore though. Hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

John and Sherlock continued with the case as if nothing was wrong. They got on with it as if nothing had ever happened between them. There had been a touch of awkwardness the morning after it but it had ebbed away quickly.

John had barely slept as he lay on the sofa wrestling with his feelings for Sherlock and for Mary. He had a wife and she was carrying his child, whether she was a liar or not he couldn't walk away from that, he was responsible for that baby and it was going to need a Father.

He had come to the conclusion before going back to Sherlock the morning after his confession that he wouldn't tell Sherlock that he returned his feelings. He decided to keep it inside and continue to live his life with Mary, he had decided to bash on with things like they were ordinary.

The days had passed, the weeks had passed, the months had passed. He and Sherlock had never mentioned the talk in 221 Baker Street. It was as if it had never happened and John had begun to wonder if it had actually happened at all.

They didn't think about it, they didn't talk about it. It was in the past, it wasn't important. That was what John had managed to convince himself of throughout those months.

But then Sherlock had shot Magnusson.

When Sherlock had returned from the dead John hadn't thought he would have to live without the man in his life in some shape or form again. Yet now he found himself standing in front of him, an airplane in the background waiting to sweep Sherlock away.

John swallowed and stared at the man opposite him, aware of Mary and Mycroft standing close by.

'So,' John said, 'I'll probably never see you again.'

Sherlock inclined his head ever so slightly, 'That's very likely,' he admitted.

John nodded, looking around awkwardly.

'William Sherlock Scott Holmes,' Sherlock said out of the blue.

'What?'

'My name, the whole of it,' Sherlock said, 'if you're looking for baby names.'

John smiled ever so slightly, 'We've had a scan, we're pretty sure it's a girl,'

'Ah, I see,' Sherlock said with a nod.

They fell into silence again, neither of them quite knowing how to say goodbye, especially when goodbye in this case meant forever.

'I don't know what to say,' John said honestly, 'but the game is over.'

Sherlock shook his head, 'The game is never over John, but there may be some new players.'

John sighed, 'Where are you actually going, Sherlock?'

Sherlock replied honestly, 'Somewhere in the middle east.'

'So it's dangerous then?' John asked.

Sherlock didn't reply. They fell into silence for a third time.

'John…there's something I should say. Something I have meant to say but I never have…'

John looked at him expectantly, his heart flipping ever so slightly.

'Sherlock…is a girl's name.'

John couldn't help but laugh and Sherlock smiled, a real genuine smile. It almost brought tears to John's eyes knowing they would never joke like this again.

'You bastard,' John said fondly, his voice breaking slightly.

Sherlock's smile widened, 'I think it could work.'

'We're not naming our daughter after you, Sherlock,' John said still smiling.

Sherlock held out his hand, and John looked at it strangely, 'To the very best of times John.'

John sighed as he took the man's hand and shook it slowly. It dropped, falling to Sherlock's side. He turned and began to walk away, and John just watched him do it.

Then he realised how stupid he was being, 'Sherlock!'

Sherlock stopped and turned around and John walked closer to him, 'This is stupid,' he said, 'I'm being stupid.'

Sherlock watched John expectantly, as if he had seen this coming. Of course he bloody well had.

'What you said Sherlock, that night in the flat when Mary said…' John trailed off, 'and I never told you, but if I'm never going to see you again…'

He breathed in, letting out a shaky breath, 'I feel the same, I did before you faked your death and I have since you came back. But I have a wife, and I'm going to have a baby soon, I couldn't act on my…feelings.'

'I understand John,' Sherlock said simply.

'I couldn't let you go without saying it,' John said, looking everywhere but at Sherlock, 'especially if I'm never going to see you again.'

'I appreciate that,' Sherlock said, and John could have sworn his eyes were a little watery, 'but you have Mary here and you have a family to protect.'

John nodded, and swallowed hard, 'Goodbye Sherlock,' he said weakly.

'Goodbye John,' Sherlock said, his voice strained slightly.

They looked at each other for a moment and then John, in a flurry of emotion, hugged Sherlock tightly. They stood there on the airfield for what felt like hours holding each other tightly because they knew when they let go that would be the end of it, the end of the game.

John pulled away, and Sherlock nodded at him. He then turned and walked onto the plane, leaving John standing alone on the airfield. He blew out a breath of air, and walked over to Mary who slipped her hand into his.

'Did you tell him?' She asked.

'Tell him what?' John asked, his eyes on the plane.

'How you felt,' Mary said simply, 'I know John, you know I do.'

John breathed another heavy breath and said, 'I had to.'

Mary tightened her hand in his, 'I understand,' she said, moving closer to him as the plane took off, taking Sherlock away with it.

_**The End :)  
**_

_**A/N: I might just add little bits to this every now and then when I get ideas, I'm not sure. Thanks so much again to Amorous Erised for the idea, the only thing I changed was the kiss because I don't think John would do that when he knew Mary & Mycroft were watching.**_

_**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading! :D**_


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